This week my children have made me take so many deep breaths I could have blown up a hot air balloon by now…and it’s only Wednesday.
I am insane.
Insanely angry.
Insanely embarrassed.
Insanely tired.
I even called my Mum to bitch about my children. Which is rare.
Deeeeeepppp breathhsssss has been my mantra.
I have never understood the whole “must have wine to get through motherhood” thing.
Zero judgement, I wish I could drink my deep breaths away but I just cannot handle my alcohol since birthing my little assho….I mean angels.
But on Tuesday evening about 14 seconds after sending the boys upstairs for time out, I muttered to myself “holy shit I need some alcohol” and then my phone went “ding” and it was Mum, advising me to ask Dan to bring me home some wine. Cheers Mum. Spot on.
So this all started because Max had to go to the dentist.
I gave them a precautionary talking too before we went in & felt confident they would behave.
I was so sooooo deeply WRONG.
Here’s what happened in the less than 10 minutes that we were there:
• Max wouldn’t stop talking long enough for the dentist to examine him
• Arch took Minti’s toy off her
• Minti screamed LOUDLY
• Arch continued to irritate her • Minti kept screaming loudly
• Max got off the chair mid examination to find something important in my bag
• Arch then climbed into the chair for his turn (it wasn’t his turn at all)
• Minti tried her hardest to push a chair through the window
• Max discovers the suction hose thingy & starts playing with it
• Arch found a stash of rubber gloves & throws them everywhere
• Max gets some purple dentist goop all over his hand & the linoleum floor • Minti is opening & shutting draws
• Dentist is trying to have adult conversation about dental stuff with me, completely unfazed by my children’s behaviour
• I admit to her I’m not listening because I can’t concentrate with my wild animal children
• She rolls her eyes at me (no joke) and writes down info – cannot read her handwriting & suggests I come back another day….uh huh sureeeee
(So many more bad things happen, but I’m skipping them because I’m sure you get the drift…)
So we leave.
Once the door is closed behind us & I snap at them to hold hands so we can cross the road, they turn their little faces and say in unison “were we naughty?”
And I just ignore them knowing my rage needed to be confined to the car & not the road side.
I did my best not to yell.
And I succeeded until the end of my lecture when I was on the verge of tears so I turned the volume up to hide the cracking in my voice and just ended with
“I am so disappointed”
Boom, drop the mic.
Drove home in silence.
And possibly me having a little silent cry behind my sunnies.
Straight up for bath.
Down for dinner.
Up for teeth, toilet & bed.
Both asleep by 5:50pm.
No TV or favourite toys until the weekend.
When Dan got home, I was shaking with rage telling him what happened.
He was angry with them, but I think it seriously hit home with him just how hard it must be to leave the house & try to achieve anything substantial with three very “spirited” children. So props to me, and a nice tension headache to end the day.
Today. The day after.
My boys have been delightfully obliging & helpful.
Full of “I love you’s” and “your the best mum”
I haven’t had to repeat myself once, or nag…
It’s amazing what Mum rage can do.
I am still so utterly gobsmacked by their behaviour, it is so unlike them. And I mean that, they’re crazy and wild but historically in situations like that they are on their best behaviour.
But hey, maybe they just decided to test me this time?
Who knows….
But what I do know for sure is that I am never ever ever going to the dentist with three children again.
One at a time from now until they are old enough to drive their cute little bottoms there themselves.
Now I’m off to sleep, and when I say sleep I mean fight exhaustion because my beautiful 19 month old daughter has a serious case of sleep regression and is crazy for the boob…all night long….
Sweet dreams x